I will try to get through this without crying. I guess it's a good thing you can't see me right? I am so completely torn and emotional about the future of Open Hand. Our first collection was two weeks ago and only 39 people didnt pay and that could have been b.c they didnt know it was due. The problem is if they were able to pay bc they are doing well or were they able to pay bc they have had a good amount of time before we collected our first payment? I guess time will tell. But we only have paid for Nicolas and Franck through March.
There are so many factors I just want to write down
1. NO more money is coming in to OH
2. Means we dont have money to pay our employees after March 31st
3. If we are collecting money thats great - but I need $600 a month to keep our guys.
4. Yes, I'm burned out. No. I dont want to do a project right now. Will I want to in the future? Possibly yes.
5. In the mean time if OH can't pay for their employees then what? Nicolas has proven himself to be an invaluable employee. If he gets a different job and then we are ready to do another project we have to start the whole process over of trying to find someone we trust? I dont want to do that. I want Nick. He's the best. But I cant pay Nick.
6. Ty has said he will help raise money for OH but he needs a project and he needs to know what our plan is. But we dont have a plan b.c we are tired. I just know that I want the option to remain to do something else at some point. I assume in Haiti b.c geographically that's all that makes sense right now as a mom of a young child.
7. I need God to speak. Is Open Hand done? If it's not, where do we go next? Can we take a break and then do something? I dont want to lose Nick. How can I keep Nick so that when we are ready to move forward we can do so with him?
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