We are getting all the approved Haitian vendor list by the 12th so we can have Franck begin to train them. We are still short 60k. At least, that's what our goal was - 100,000. We can't afford to go back to Haiti and yet we need to in order to give out the loan money, attend the women's conference we are sponsoring and then we'd love to be able to go at the beginning of December for the actual televised dedication but I just don't see how that's possible.
My moments of panic and crying are coming more frequently and then I just move on. Short of standing on a street corner with a bucket I don't know what more we can do. I bet I'm like a broken record with this blog but nobody is reading it anyways.
I can see doing what we can in Haiti and giving out what we've collected but then... I fold.
This is too hard. I wanted to make a difference, a huge impact and it's just not going to happen. It's embarrassing to have put myself out there and to not fulfill what we've promised... or what Alisha promised. Trying to do this again someplace else? Yeah right. I feel like a total and complete failure and loser. And the families that are waiting for a loan - how do we say, "just kidding. Your kids need to keep eating mud." WTH? How wrong is that?
When the time comes I'm making her call the headquarters to say we don't have the money for the 300 loans she said we'd give out. Granted, that was back when we were under the assumption that the loans would be $25 a piece. How nice would that have been? But I don't think they will remember that we signed on thinking of 25 dollar loans NOT $350. It would be so much easier to work for a non profit making a difference. Why we needed to start our own I have no idea. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite - "IDIOT" I bet you were wondering when the title of my post was going to be explained. Ha!
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