This is the question I keep hearing from my husband. Why? Because I've been burned. Because I don't know anymore if God even wants me doing this. Because trying to make a difference and having it blow up in your face isn't any fun. At.all. Because people suck. Because if I thought I was cynical before, lord help me now!
But there's a tiny glimmer of hope. Dare I say it? Dare I say it out loud? Voice my hope to others? Ty and his business partner have been wanting to give us money but we don't (didnt) have a project and they wanted a project specifically. So, seeing that I don't want to end up like I did last time, I didnt want to go hunting for a project just because. And I don't want to be in Haiti because it's convenient or where we started or for any other reasons than God wants us to be there. He wants to use us to bless and help people.
Anyways, Nick has always been very sad about OH pulling out of Haiti and has told us that he will do whatever we need any time and this morning he sent us a message and asked that we reconsider Haiti and doing a micro loan program with small groups of women, instead of individuals. That he has been working with various women in his town and teaching them some of the OH training manual and he thinks he can, well in my words, breathe life back into these dead bones. "Son of man, can these bones live?" Only you know God. We can't do it unless you do it through us.
Turns out that OH has about $2,000 left in our Haitian account. I'm telling you, that money just kept going and going. Ha! Anyways... we could use that. I could get Ty and his business partner on board with this project. See the glimmer? It's tiny, but it's bright. Nick has offered to run the program for free. Did I tell you this kid was a keeper or what? Which of course, we wouldn't do. Ha! Because we've always wanted to be generous people. We've asked him to basically put a business plan together of how he thinks it will work so that I can present it.
In the meantime, we get on our knees and pray that God reveals to us, clearly, if this is the way we are to go. Is this the time? Can these bones live? But God.
I've heard that God has a sense of humor. I'm sure it's true. I know the Bible says he laughs. Wonder if he has a giddy laugh over the fact that the book I'm reading right now is called Waking the Dead.
It would have to be different this time. No more striving to find donors. No more sleepless nights. No more making my identity be wrapped around Open Hand. How do you have a job but that job doesn't define you? The answer would be I have to find out who God says that I am. What is my identity in Him?
